Once again we are here for National Poetry Month, with another Poem. Lucid Writers has decided to celebrate National Poetry month by delivering a poem a day for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.
All I Wanted Was Your Love
All I wanted was for you to love me. All my life I wanted that connection,
Instead I spent the majority of my time on this space rock trying to fill the void placed by your rejection
You, my first signs of love
Showed me that chasing adoration will sustain my insatiable hunger
for this sacred feeling that people covet like a new baby fresh from the womb.
All I wanted was your guidance
Yet I was met with the most vicious type of violence
The mental pain,
All I asked was for you to show me what it meant to be loved.
And you took that privilege away from me as a child, who wished to see love from his fathers arms.
However you rejected my desires, whether it was by choice or not,
You left me in the sands of time, wondering that if I wasn’t worthy of your love,
If I wasn’t worthy of your trust
If I wasn’t worthy of your praise
That I would look in the mirror and feel hate.
That I didn’t deserve love
That I didn’t deserve to be great
Therefore instead of loving myself, I’d chase that very same feeling to fill this poisonous dopamine
that satiates my need to feel as if I deserved nothing. And when something great occurs I’d feel as though I didn’t
deserve it, because the greatest feeling to me was stripped from me before I could realize how it tore me apart.
So I walk around like a corpse unhinged, un healed, seeking the rejection you made me feel
Time after time I reveal these scars
Hoping one day you’d see them but you’re too far to see them so I’m stuck cutting myself hoping you’d be drawn to
the bleeding like a shark in the ocean miles away but instead I’m in this body of water floating away at sea.
Begging, just begging to be seen by you, who docked a long time ago to start a new.
Leaving me sitting here believing that I don’t deserve your love, that I don’t deserve your praise
That I need things to go wrong, that it is rejection that I crave
And all I wish for is the day I can look away from all this pain and heal from this darkness you forced me to embrace
Maybe then. You’ll be able to see me, as your son, and that losing me wasn’t your greatest regret, maybe one day I’ll fall into
your arms. And you won’t reject me