I wish the memory of you would go away,
instead of the millions of poems
that rush from my head.
Oh the possibilities of inspiration
and connection I could make if
they replaced the idea of you.
the pain rages through my psyche.
you live rent free,
as if you own me.
Kicking out the good words,
that could release me from your grasp,
like a debt collector you relentlessly
pass through my mind reminding me of the time
I made that bad decision investing in you.
And now much like my student loans
I’m destined to pay off this lingering debt
with my body sacrificing years off my life,
Till they wash away,
and hopefully then,
something better will come ashore.
Memories of you don’t fade away
No, they are more so prevalent
The good ones,
Like when we laughed,
When we made love,
All of the passionate times that
blinded me from the storms above.
Like the gaslighting and the manipulation
And the frustrations you caused me
All this toxic matrimony
forcing me to not know which way to go
My head spins in cycles over and over again
Because I can’t remember
where the down pour began so
I’m constantly tormented by
thoughts of what could’ve been
Because my memories are
beautiful, but my scars are terrifying me.
You tore me apart.
Because I wanted to make it work.
But you’d rather shatter the pieces
of the picture I made of us in my head.
So now that’s the only image that sticks.
But not the wonderful words that
would end my madness and allow me
to once again feel bliss away
from the control you have over me.
So now I can’t tell whether I’m
More upset with you, or mad at me.
For loving you so deeply
I’m stuck having to pick up all of these pieces.
Thus, Here you are,
cultivating these stolen thoughts
Tormenting my mind