I wish the memory of you would go away,

instead of the millions of poems

that rush from my head.

Oh the possibilities of inspiration

and connection I could make if

they replaced the idea of you.

the pain rages through my psyche.

Alas,

you live rent free,

as if you own me.

Kicking out the good words,

that could release me from your grasp,

like a debt collector you relentlessly

pass through my mind reminding me of the time

I made that bad decision investing in you.

And now much like my student loans

I’m destined to pay off this lingering debt

with my body sacrificing years off my life,

Till they wash away,

and hopefully then,

something better will come ashore.

Memories of you don’t fade away

No, they are more so prevalent

The good ones,

Like when we laughed,

When we made love,

All of the passionate times that

blinded me from the storms above.

Like the gaslighting and the manipulation

And the frustrations you caused me

All this toxic matrimony

forcing me to not know which way to go

Up

Left

Down

Around.

My head spins in cycles over and over again

Because I can’t remember

where the down pour began so

I’m constantly tormented by

thoughts of what could’ve been

Because my memories are

beautiful, but my scars are terrifying me.

You tore me apart.

Because I wanted to make it work.

But you’d rather shatter the pieces

of the picture I made of us in my head.

So now that’s the only image that sticks.

But not the wonderful words that

would end my madness and allow me

to once again feel bliss away

from the control you have over me.

So now I can’t tell whether I’m

More upset with you, or mad at me.

For loving you so deeply

Either way,

I’m stuck having to pick up all of these pieces.

All alone.

Thus, Here you are,

cultivating these stolen thoughts

Tormenting my mind